so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
