That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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