Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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