Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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