I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
