Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
