sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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