Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
