How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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