And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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