Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
