Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
