I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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