There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
