Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
