fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
