: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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