if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
