it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
