Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
