so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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