dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
