We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
