After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
NoShamevember. You game?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
