The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
