My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
