i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
