physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
