I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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