im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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