my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
