so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize