something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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