I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
