That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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