He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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