Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
