just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
