I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
