Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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