i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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