how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
