Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
