your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize