The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
