I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
