Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
