He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
