She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
