well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize