It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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