It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
