Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
