yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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