There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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