I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize