apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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