apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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