Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
