CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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