I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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