Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
