I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize