i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just want to make out with him forever
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
