in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
