so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
