I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
