He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
