He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
