I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize