Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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