he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
