he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My bed smells like the plague
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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